Tami Roman of VH1’s Basketball Wives LA has opened up even more about her unfortunate miscarriage.

The reality star revealed just how painful it was to hear that she and her boyfriend Reggie Youngblood would not be parents to a newborn in just a few months as they planned.

She took to her Instagram to pen an open letter to fans over the weekend.

“As I sat trying to find the reason, the why, the how come…I remained at a loss for words. My emotions were high and my spirit was low. i don’t think anyone will understand the sadness that I felt. All I wanted to do was share a positive moment with the man I love. i couldn’t stop crying and asking God why…then a stillness came over me, a quiet simple peace. What I’m about to say will seem undoubtedly strange, but it made perfect sense to me.”

She went on to reveal that she miscarried what would have been her third child on her mother’s birthday. Her mother passed away two years ago, before she began dating Youngblood. She then reached a point where she realized that she is being taught “a lesson in love and loss.”

“This is another test of my faith and my strength. I got to a place of eerie calm, believing the spirit of my unborn child is with my mom. I don’t know, it made me feel better believing that a part of me is keeping her company.”

She said she also learned how much she would love to have another child and even be a “better mother” to her two daughters from a previous relationship.

She went on to encourage older women who want to have children and said, “I plan to show you with God’s help, that it can be done.”

She ended by thanking her family and fans for their prayers and support.

 As I sat trying to find the reason, the why, the how come...I remained at a loss for words. My emotions were high and my spirit was low. I don't think anyone will understand the sadness that I felt. All I wanted to do was share a positive moment with the man I love. I couldn't stop crying and asking God why...then a stillness came over me, a quiet, a simple peace. What I'm about to say will seem undoubtedly strange, but it made perfect sense to me. I lost my baby on my mother's birthday. My mother has been gone for two years and I feel she has missed being apart of so many wonderful moments in my life and the lives of my daughters. She didn't get to meet the man I love and she would've really liked Reggie. I came to the conclusion that this is a lesson in love and loss. This is another test of my faith and my strength. I got to a place of eerie calm, believing the spirit of my unborn child is with my mom. I don't know, it made me feel better believing that a part of me is keeping her company. I'm not supposed to understand everything. Some things are so beyond my grasp and extremely spiritual. The loss has shown me how much I would love to be a mother again. I always thought this was about Reggie, that I was doing this for him...but NO, this is about me. I know that now. God needed to know I wanted this too and I DO. I've grown so much since having my daughters and I want the opportunity to be a better mother, with less mistakes, less selfishness and more love than ever to give. I know that I am stronger than this situation and I'm not giving up. This is not a condescending or statistical "I told you so" moment, but instead a "You can defy the odds" empowerment moment. I represent women my age who want families, but feel it's not possible or think it's too late. I plan to show you with God's help, that it can be done. I appreciate the prayers from my friends and family who reached out to me personally and from ALL of you! My babies @jazzanderson @lyricchanel for being so supportive and my love @reggieyb1 for being so understanding. Lets get back to life and keep pressing forward. Please continue to keep us uplifted as we are not giving up or in.

A photo posted by Tami Roman (@officialtamiroman) on Aug 1, 2015 at 8:31am PDT

Tags
Basketball Wives LA, Reality TV, Vh1