If you look at the trending tags on Twitter now, you may notice the big all caps JUST ANNOUNCED trend in the US. Now, you may very well be wondering what kind of big announcement could capture the attention of the US as a whole: Is it civil reforms? More Presidential drama? Did BTS release a new teaser for a music video?

Well, fear not, wary citizens, the journalists are here with the answer, and the answer is...nothing happened. We think.

Seriously, as far as I can make out, there is no one single thing that has been announced that people are talking about, today just seems to be...The Day To Make Announcements. Look, there are at least three totally unrelated things before you even scroll past the first page:

And there are, literally, plenty more where those came from.

So, with that in mind, I have decided to make a few announcements of my own right here. I hope you're excited!

JUST ANNOUNCED: The grass is NOT greener on the other side!

Contrary to popular belief, the other side does not magically have greener grass. It's the same grass. That's just a lie they tell the chickens. (Unless you're talking about lawns, in which case the grass is greener at whichever house the King Dad on the block lives in, but we all know that.)

JUST ANNOUNCED: Life now comes with an undo button.

The oft-requested update is finally here: Life OS 2.1 is finally letting users Ctrl+Z to undo, meaning you could feasibly never make a mistake again. The catch? It doesn't erase your mistakes, it just visibly reverses them so you can try again. So if you're the type of person who runs around making a thousand typos while you type...prepare for everybody to know.

JUST ANNOUNCED: On Mondays, we wear green.

I've just decided. If Regina George can decide that we wear pink on Wednesdays, I can make the arbitrary decision that Monday is now Green Day. Is it because I wore green yesterday and had a really good day? Yes. You're all welcome.

JUST ANNOUNCED: Josh Groban

New and improved.

JUST ANNOUNCED: Time now has extra settings!

You've heard of time "crawling" and "flying," but now time has a new setting: "hopping!" Now with the new Time OS 2021.4, when you set your timeline to Hop, you won't experience the mind-numbing drag of the Crawl setting, or the overwhelming speed of the Fly setting - instead, you will jump from present moment to present moment, completely zoned out in between. Try the Hop setting today!

JUST ANNOUNCED: Celery is cancelled.

It's full of strings that get stuck in your teeth and somehow manages to taste gross while still tasting like nothing. Bye Felicia.

JUST ANNOUNCED: Extra sliced bread.

You know when they say "it's the best thing since sliced bread?" After this, people will be saying "it's the best thing since EXTRA sliced bread." It's okay if you don't understand yet. You will.

Oh, you will.

Thanks for listening to my announcements. If you want to stay updated on these subjects and more, follow me on Twitter @spoopityboop