John Mulaney: Netflix's Big Mouth

It's baffling to me, therefore, that these two are not being tapped to play every single comedy duo in every movie anyone makes. These are not just suggestions for eight things I think John Mulaney and Nick Kroll would be good in; now that I've thought of these I will not be able to stop thinking about they until they make one. Oh, Entertainment Powers That Be, please grant one of my eight wishes!

Pain and Panic - Hercules

I'm starting off with this one because it's actually a possibility - Disney announced last year that they have a live-action Hercules in the works, and casting talks are just beginning to heat up.

I said it when I first heard and I'll say it again: John Mulaney and Nick Kroll should absolutely be Pain and Panic. Watch this video and tell me you can't hear Nick Kroll going "coming your lugubriousness!" before tripping down the stairs. Tell me you can't hear John Mulaney saying "if...if is good."

(Also, if they cast anybody except for Danny DeVito in the role of Phil, I will riot. I'm sure you all agree.)

The Wet Bandits - Home Alone

This one was a missed opportunity - they just did a remake of Home Alone, but instead the part of the two bandits is being played by Ellie Kemper and Rob Delaney. The plot of the movie as listed on IMDb says that it's about a couple who has to steal back a family heirloom from a troublesome kid, so they've probably changed the plot a bit...but it's still funny to picture Mulaney and Kroll in the original roles.

Buzz and Woody - Toy Story

There is no reason for them to remake Toy Story, as they literally just announced another spin-off, and both the original voice actors are still alive. (Heck, it even feels like a little much that Chris Evans is going to be playing Buzz in Lightyear instead of Tim Allen, but I digress.) That said, I watched this scene and died laughing imagining John Mulaney screaming at Nick Kroll that HE. IS. A. TOY. It's like their characters in Oh Hello, just younger. And made of plastic.

Wallace and Davis - White Christmas

White Christmas is a cute little holiday movie from the 50's about a couple of war veterans who become a famous Broadway variety act when they get back home. On their way to vacation, they meet with a duo called the Hanes Sisters, and in order to help them out of a little scrape with the law, they perform their act for them as they escape - much to the delight of the audience.

Honestly, if John Mulaney wanted to work on a musical parody of White Christmas like the one he did of Company for Documentary Now, he could absolutely just put himself in Bing Crosby's role, Nick Kroll in Fred Astaire's, and run with it. It's just weird enough and has just enough plot that they could have a field day.

Doc and Marty - Back to the Future

Anyone who's seen his Netflix special Comeback Kid knows that John Mulaney loves Back To The Future - it's not a movie they should ever remake, and even if they tried, casting these two as Doc and Marty would make absolutely zero sense - but honestly I would pay money just to watch them re-enact these scenes with Mulaney as Marty and Kroll as Doc. (That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can't keep burning the plutonium at both ends!)

Firmin and Andre - The Phantom of the Opera

I'm not calling for them to do a parody of this one. I don't want them to do a silly little sketch about the Phantom of Penn Station. (Actually, scratch that, yes I do, but that's not what I was picturing.) I want them to do one of those stunt casting things on Broadway where, for the whole summer or something, if you buy tickets to see the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, you will see John Mulaney as Firmin and Nick Kroll as Andre. Neither of them are really known for their singing, but neither are these characters, so that's perfect.

Mike and Sully - Monsters Inc.

A live action remake of Monsters Inc. would make no sense, but if they ever did a stage show, I could absolutely picture John Mulaney painted green and yelling at a big, fursuited Nick Kroll to do more push-ups while he complains. Once again, it's very similar to the dynamic between George St. Geegland and Gil Faizon (charmed-I'm-sure.)

Honestly, I have no idea what they're like in real life, but I can picutre them almost living out the scene checking for monsters in Boo's closet when John Mulaney's new baby is a toddler.

Elliot and E.T. - E.T.

There is absolutely no logical reason for this. None. Whatsoever. But tell me it wouldn't be hilarious to see John Mulaney try to pedal a flying bike with Nick Kroll's head sticking out of the basket wrapped in a blanket.

Can they just start a sketch show where they reenact scenes from classic movies?

Tags
John Mulaney, Nick Kroll, Danny devito