8 Times Fox News Freaked Out About Literally Nothing
Is it possible for an entire television network to Flanderize itself? If it is, Fox News has done it - at this point, like a thousand times over.
This week, it was Minnie's (extemely cool) new pantsuit for Disneyland Paris' 30th anniversary - yes, JUST Disneyland Paris, which makes their comments about this "destroying the fabrics of our society" even funnier because...it's not your society, Fox News. It's not happening in America. It's France.
But we've seen plenty of unnecessary crap attacks like this before - and there have been a lot more since Trumpers have started actually facing consequences for what THEY did to destroy the fabric of our society. (Distractions, anyone?)
Unfortunately, it seems like this network isn't going anywhere just yet - but at least we can laugh at some of their stupidest moral panics together. That's some kind of silver lining, right?
Mr. Potato Head
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: Hasboro is removing the GENDERS from ALL MR. POTATO HEAD dolls. There will be no Mr. There will be no Mrs. There is only non-binary Potato Head. And they're coming for YOUR gender NEXT.
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: Hasboro, realizing they had unnecessarily gendered a toy whose parts are all removable and replacable, decided to streamline their product into one design with many options, both allowing for more creative play and saving them time, money, and resources on separate packaging and marketing.
Unfortunately this particular panic campaign appears to have actually worked, because Hasboro later walked back this decision.
Dr. Seuss
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: NOBODY IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO READ DR. SEUSS ANYMORE! DR. SEUSS IS CANCELLED! THEY'RE ALL BECOMING BANNED BOOKS! GET THEM WHILE YOU CAN!
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: Dr. Seuss' estate called to end production on six books which, they felt, contained racist imagery, language, or stereotypes, and were damaging to both the children that read them and Dr. Seuss' image. They were not mainstay books like The Cat in the Hat or Oh The Places You'll Go - they were less read works like And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street and If I Ran The Zoo.
Biden Getting Ice Cream
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: Joe Biden was NEGLECTING his duites as President for the sweet taste of a double scoop cone; time and time again this man has betrayed us by buring his face in ice cream instead of our problems.
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: President Joe Biden went out to get some ice cream.
Obama Wearing A Tan Suit
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: Barack Obama wore a tan suit instead of a black or blue one because he does not support the Presidental Office, is a marxist, and wants everyone to convert to communism and ALSO wear tan suits - and, also, signaling to enemies that he's a huge wimp and they could pour soup in his lap and he'd probably apologize to them.
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: President Barack Obama wore a tan suit, because, unlike every other President before him, he's Black and could actually pull it off without looking washed out.
Obama Using Dijon Mustard
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: President Barack Obama is an elitist snob; Regular mustard on his burger isn't good enough for him, he needs DIJON or he WALKS. What a prick.
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: Barack Obama is a little weird. He puts Dijon mustard on his burgers.
Disney's Disclaimers
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: Disney is CANCELLING KERMIT THE FROG, they put DISCLAIMERS warning about POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE CONTENT in front of some of the older Muppets movies, PLUS beloved classics like Peter Pan and Dumbo. Was that REALLY necessary, or are they just bowing to WOKE CULTURE?
Tom Hanks' NYT Essay
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: CANCEL CULTURE is COMING for TOM HANKS! He published an article in the New York Times about how he never learned of the 1921 Tulsa Massacre. Afterwards, another reporter for The Hill was ALRADY ready to cancel him, saying Hanks will NEVER make up for the crime of being white.
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: Tom Hanks published an article in the New York Times about how he never learned of the 1921 Tulsa Massacre. Afterwards, another reporter for The Hill acknowledged how difficult it is for white people, especially those who have been advocates against racism publicly, to own up to times they were wrong about race relations and their own history.
This one is confusing because it's an example of a time that Fox news literally did not read the article and just kinda...went off. The author was praising Hanks and offering a few suggestions on how to continue being a good ally to Black people. That's it.
Starbucks Cups
An oldie but a goodie. The OG unnecessary moral panic. The start of the imaginary 'War on Christmas.'
WHAT FOX NEWS MADE IT SOUND LIKE: Starbucks HATES Christmas, AND Christians, and AMERICA. They have CENSORED their Christmas cups: Only red, no cheesy quotes, no snowflakes, no ornaments, no CHRISTMAS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING: Starbucks, going with the slightly-hipsterish mainstream trends as always, chose a minimalist design for its Holiday coffee cups in 2015. Plenty of Christian groups were offended, but plenty of others were like "uh, hey, Christmas is in no way about a coffee cup anyway, so maybe we should chill."
Also, like..........they still changed the cups for the season. They could have just done nothing.
But then again, we suppose we could say the same for Fox News. (And boy do we wish they had.)
