HOT TAKE: I Don't Find Timothee Chalamet Groundbreakingly Attractive, But I Looked At Science To Figure Out Why He Is!
I really want to be in love with Timothee Chalamet, but I can't do it.
Let me open up with an apology. I am sorry. I know this is one of the hottest takes of the twenty-first century. I recognize I may lose some friends over this (but, before you cut me, recognize that you now have less competition to get with Timothee Chalamet by keeping me around!)
He is a brilliant actor. He is genuine and kind. He is passionate about what he does. I'm actually a big fan of him and his work. And in glimpses (GLIMPSES) I can understand what people are talking about. But the constant celebration of Chalamet as the hottest modern movie star, cultivating an obsessive kind of love from a swooning fan base at his sheer level of attraction? Now you've lost me.
This is not a new conversation, I know. Throughout the actor's career, this divisive topic has come up time and time again. The world is like that episode of The Office where the ensemble nearly falls to blows over whether or not Hilary Swank is hot.
I never understood it before. Now I do. Timothee Chalamet is our generation's Hilary Swank.
The thing is, those fawning over T.C.'s magnetism certainly yell louder than the rest of us. New York City comedian Eric Wood has pages of one liners about the non-negotiable attraction of the actor, while hilariously citing his recent works.
"I want to f*** Timothee Chalamet. Dune? More like Swoon."
And another:
"He was in a movie in 2018 with Steve Carrell called Beautiful Boy. Look him up at the Oscars. He's a beautiful man now. He's 26,"
Jokes like these point to the seemingly worldwide consensus that Chalamet is the hottest guy on the scene right now.
However, there are far more of us dissenters than you would think. Even in my research, I came across another reporter with feelings so similar to mine on this issue that I immediately wanted to have brunch with her.
Hannah-Rose Yee (my new internet friend who doesn't know me yet) wrote in her article on Body and Soul:
"I think I will have to live with the knowledge that the rest of the collective internet is pining after Timmy C in a way that I cannot.
"I'm like Jo in Little Women, unable to take that last step into the unknown and throw myself at Chalamet's metaphoric feet. And like Jo, I simply cannot fathom it. I can see all the pieces laid out, I know how they fit together, and yet my brain can't make the puzzle work. I think Timmy is talented, smart, stylish, funny and someone who can speak fluent (!) French (!!!) and yet I simply cannot fall in love with him. I simply cannot."
Truer words have never been spoken. I absolutely relate. However, for him to have captivated the attention of the world in such a frantically potent way, there has to be something that I'm missing.
So, for those of us that don't find ourselves lusting over the Dune star, don't worry. I have done the research. Now that I've gone through my research, I can cerebrally understand the Chalamania, as it has been so coined. Here it is:
The combination of stereotypically attractive features, alongside those that are unique, combined with a modern emotional availability, create a cocktail that continues to bring many to the side of Chalamet.
Timothee Chalamet's expert command of his aesthetic, used precisely to compliment his unique but paradoxically stereotypically attractive features, creates a dynamic and mysterious allure around the actor. In an episode of the YouTube series Analyzing Celebrity Faces, the host reflects at the beginning:
"In some photos he looks like a washed up drug dealer, and in others he is Hollywood's latest heartthrob. From certain angles, there are visible asymmetries. In others, he looks like a Greek statue.The best way to describe him is polarizing."
This flexible aesthetic helps to make the star alluring: none can quite get their finger on who he is, and his chameleon look keeps the masses on their toes. His changeability also lends itself well to his hyper-successful acting career, but we will get to that point later.
His look is so captivatingly changeable because he has a verified balance of stereotypically attractive male traits, certain popularized feminine qualities, and some unique traits that give the actor a high-fashion look. (When I said I did research, I was not kidding!)
A lot of this lies in the actor's jaw. On Analyzing Celebrity Faces, they reflected:
"His bi gonial width is so much that his jaw inclines outwards from the chin giving him a very boxy, masculine appearance. This is the kind of jaw that's only achievable by very large implants in an average person."
So, step one, he has a jaw that some people would get complicated surgery to have. Point Chalamet.
The fifty degree angle of his chin is not high enough, according to the video, to be, by technical terms, "perfect." However, the video goes on to point out that this is part of what makes Chalamet's look "unique and high fashion."
His bone structure has been proven *scientifically* to be compelling. So, the Chalamaniacs are not wrong- they are true to life proof that science works.
In addition, because of his square face shape, a shape that is traditionally masculine even with Chalamet's more unique expression of the features, the look is both heightened and contrasted by his carefully selected clothing and hair choices.
On the YouTube series Classic Charm, Anthony Recenello discusses an interesting experience, in which Timothee Chalamet happened to walk into a restaurant he was in - and no one recognized him.
"When Tim is dressed like a normal twenty three year old, he looks like a normal twenty three year old."
While Chalamet is now twenty-six, the same reality holds true. His aesthetic choices, both hair and clothing, are a critical part of his magnetism. The clothes he picks and the haircuts he has emphasize different, more stereotypically attractive features, while still accentuating his stylishly mystifying uniqueness.
While aesthetic is an incontrovertible aspect of attraction, it takes more than just looks to make someone a phenomenon. With Chalamet, his mysterious exterior draws people in, while his genuine nature - the one he shows in interviews - draws people in. An article on Medium reflected that:
"The hottest thing a man can be is emotionally expressive, and Timothée Chalamet has mastered that in his acting. He is a not a rugged, masculine sex symbol. His version of masculinity is about being sensitive and open and wearing your heart on your sleeve."
Being communicative, expressive, and real with emotions is something that has become increasingly attractive as time has gone on.
(Meanwhile, in my own stand-up comedy, I have a recurrent joke in which I QUITE LITERALLY say that "the most attractive thing a guy can be is emotionally UNAVAILABLE." Could this be the reason I don't find Timothee Chalamet attractive? Possibly. Should I investigate that reality about myself because it sounds potentially problematic? Sure. Will I? Nah.)
Chalamet has the exterior of someone impossibly cool, but he allows himself to be openly nervous, shy, and charmingly dorky in interview settings. As is pointed out in Classic Charm, Chalamet strikes the perfect balance of awkward and charming. He is, "completely relatable yet wholly unattainable."
This dissonance is where his true pull lives.
Also, he's incredibly talented. So, I mean, there's that.
And so, after all of this, I can finally say: Intellectually, I get it.
I hope this article has helped others of us who want to be in on the fun while we just simply find ourselves not "getting it." Timothee is scientifically attractive, incredibly genuine, and phenomenally talented.
Am I a big fan? Absolutely. Do I, in my soul, understand the magnetic pull he seems to have on the world at large? No. BUT NOW, I GET IT!
