Elon Musk Admits He Considered Suicide At 12, Reveals 'Difficult Childhood'
Elon Musk delved into his "difficult childhood" Wednesday, revealing a period of "existential crisis" and contemplation of suicide at the age of 12.
In a candid and wide-ranging interview at The New York Times' DealBook Summit, the billionaire founder of SpaceX and CEO of Tesla shared some of his introspective thoughts as a child: "What's the meaning of life? Isn't it all pointless? Why not just commit suicide? Why exist?"
He referred to this period as an "existential crisis" and acknowledged the impact of his difficult childhood, marked by a strained relationship with his father, Errol Musk, and experiences of severe bullying.
Musk shared that during this tumultuous time, he sought solace in reading religious texts and philosophy books, although he admitted that delving into "German philosophy books" like those of Arthur Schopenhauer and Friedrich Nietzsche as a teen made him "depressed."
However, a turning point came when Musk discovered Douglas Adams' science-fiction comedy book, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," which humorously explores the quest for the meaning of life.
Musk highlighted the book's message about the importance of asking the right questions rather than seeking a straightforward answer.
"My motivation then was, well, my life is really finite ... but if we can expand the scope and scale of consciousness then we are better able to figure out what questions to ask about the answer that is the universe, and maybe we can find out what is the meaning of life," the billionaire said.
During the interview, Musk -- who has said he has the developmental disorder Asperger's syndrome and may also suffer from bipolar disorder -- also touched upon his "demons of the mind," describing his mind as a "very wild storm" with a constant flow of ideas.
Asked if it was a "happy storm," Musk responded, "No."
"I think to some degree I was born this way, but it was amplified by a difficult childhood, frankly," he added.
He went on to explain that while he often felt there was a "rage of forces" in his mind as a child, nowadays, his "demons" are "harnessed to productive ends" in his work.
The interview comes after author Ben Mezrich's recent claim that Musk allegedly suffered a mental breakdown last year following incidents such as being booed at Dave Chapelle's show and his son being attacked by a "crazy stalker."
"He got to a point where he locked himself in his office, was so upset that the Twitter employees were considering calling in a wellness check by the San Francisco police because they thought he was going to self-harm," the "Breaking Twitter" author alleged in an interview with CNBC earlier this month.
The writer also claimed that Musk was concerned that his reputation was becoming tarnished after taking over X, formerly Twitter.
"I think he truly cares about his reputation," the writer claimed of the billionaire.
If you or someone you know is struggling or has had suicidal thoughts, confidential help is available for free at the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. The line is available 24 hours, every day.
