Emilia Clarke Preferred To 'Die On Live TV' While Battling Brain Injury, Feared She'll Be Fired From 'Game Of Thrones'
Emilia Clarke got candid about her battle with brain injury a decade ago.
In a recent interview with Big Issue, the 37-year-old actress recounted her health battle over 10 years ago. In 2011, she underwent brain surgery after she was diagnosed with an aneurysm, which caused a stroke and a subarachnoid hemorrhage. It happened after she filmed the first season of "Game of Thrones." Two years later, in 2013, she underwent another surgery to address another aneurysm. She shared how it felt returning to work after her brain injury and admitted her fears of getting fired from the show. Clarke played the role of Daenerys Targaryen, dubbed the "Mother of the Dragons."
"When you have a brain injury, because it alters your sense of self on such a dramatic level, all of the insecurities you have going into the workplace quadruple overnight," Clarke told the Big Issue. "The first fear we all had was: 'Oh my God, am I going to get fired? Am I going to get fired because they think I'm not capable of completing the job?'"
Clarke also got candid about the thoughts that crossed her mind at the time. She remembered thinking, "Well, if I'm going to die, I better die on live TV."
Clarke and her mom, Jennifer Clarke, founded the SameYou charity in 2019, which supports better mental health recovery for those who suffer brain injuries. They are now partnering with Big Issue Recruit to support the survivors and their loved ones.
"Having a chronic condition that diminishes your confidence in this one thing you feel is your reason to live is so debilitating and so lonely," Clarke said. "One of the biggest things I felt with a brain injury was profoundly alone. That is what we're trying to overcome."
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The "Me Before You" actress admitted there was a point when she thought she "couldn't carry on." She even asked the medical staff to let her die because she thought she could never return to acting. However, she thrived and realized that the experience "has given me superpower."
Clarke previously shared the same experience in a 2019 essay for The New Yorker. According to her, she suffered aphasia due to the brain injury and couldn't even remember her name.
"In my worst moments, I wanted to pull the plug," she wrote. "I asked the medical staff to let me die. My job -- my entire dream of what my life would be -- centered on language, on communication. Without that, I was lost."
The experience also made Clarke realize the true meaning of joy and beauty. She was initially "scared and under-confident" due to "how I looked," but that thinking changed.
"As I got older, I realized that people are at their most beautiful when they're not thinking about themselves and considering their own beauty," she added.
