Her high-profile relationships in 2014 caused a lot of speculation about her, but Michelle Rodriguez may finally be admitting that her romances with Cara Delevingne and Zac Efron were actually part of how she dealt with her grief following the late 2013 death of her Fast and the Furious co-star, Paul Walker.

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In a new interview with Entertainment Weekly, the 36-year-old actress opened up about how she grieved Walker after his sudden death in November 2013 from a fiery car crash-and hinted that her relationships and hectic party lifestyle that were constantly splashed all over the tabloids were all a part of her grieving process.

"I actually went on a bit of a binge," she said. "I went crazy a little bit. I went pretty crazy. A lot of stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind."

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Some of Rodriguez's more note-worthy actions last year included her romance with Delevingne, which saw the two snapped in several romantic embraces over their short-lived relationship; her brief and steamy fling with Efron, who she was spotted making out with on a yacht in Sardinia; and even partying on a yacht in Ibiza with Justin Bieber over the summer.

However, she now admits that the relationships were a part of her grieving process-and that at the end of the day, she was trying to combat the feelings of numbness that were consuming her.

"I was pushing myself to feel," she said. "I felt like nothing I could do could make me feel alive, so I just kept pushing myself harder and harder. I was traveling and I was having sex. And I was just trying to ignore everything that I was feeling."

"I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who's deep like me, who loves like that," she added. "When that disappears, you wonder, 'Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?' There was nothing to tether me to this existence: 'Why am I f---ing here? And, like, why'd you leave without me?'"

But despite taking a year to grieve, Rodriguez now admits she may finally be on track to move past her pain.

"I just woke up [one morning] with a profound respect for living," she said. "I stood tall one day and I said, 'You know what, Michelle? Stop f---ing hiding. Go manifest.' All of a sudden, I picked myself up and started hustling."

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Michelle Rodriguez