Dating shows are absolutely ridiculous.

I'm not saying they're bad. I'm not saying I don't watch them. Heck, they are really some of the most entertaining things on television! I'm just saying that they are complete and absolute nonsense.

The creators of Love is Blind recently announced a new, upcoming dating show called Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. In this series, couples who have mixed opinions about marriage get together and shuffle up who is dating who. By the end of the show, the couples must determine if they are going to get married or split up. I saw this trailer, and I thought to myself...

WOW.

These show's preach that the central conciet of them is to find love, someone to spend the rest of your life with. They attempt to commodify and televise romance in a way that is entirely contrary to the true heart of the matter (pun intended). However, the insanity is what makes these shows addicting. It is like watching real life romance, something that is uncomfortable and awkward for so many, exaggerated to a caracature-esq size.

Some of these shows are more nonsensical than others. Some really seem to be trying to help people find real and lasting love on television. Others are throwing caution to the wind, asking themselves at every turn, "How can we make this stranger?"

Like with anything else, there is a spectrum when it comes to dating shows. I have here ranked eight of the most popular dating shows from least nonsensical to most nonsensical. The nonsense is determined by how closely the show holds to actually helping people find love and also sticking to the main premise the show claims to set out to accomplish. Here are my final scores.

Love is Blind

Every dating show is ridiculous in their own right, but Love is Blind is probably the most sane of the bunch. Why? Because there is no winning. Other dating shows turn love into a competition: if you can leave married, you WIN. Love is Blind rather poses a scientific question. It tests the hypothesis of whether or not love is truly blind. There is no winning or losing. The people are just data sets.

That being said, there is still some HIGH KEY drama that makes it absolutely unmissable. The only things that make it ridiculous are the short timeline AND the people who seem not to understand the assignment (aka, they start asking about what the other person looks like or they get determined to settle for someone just so they can create a feeling of winning).

Nonsense Score: 2/10

The Courtship

So, The Courtship is a brand new show (it literally aired on NBC last night). It is basically The Bachelor, but they go to a castle, dress in Regency Era clothing, and interact within the confines of Regency Era etiquette. I actually think it's a fun idea. I think it ends up being a bit more sensical than The Bachelor due to the emphasis on manners and the involvement of friends and family.

Most dating shows create a bubble in which nobody from the outside world is involved in the relationship, but that is not realistic. For most people, it is important that family and friends interact well with the significant other. FURTHERMORE, if a person is love-blind, those closest to them are the best people to snap them out of it. Good move The Courtship!

However, if they're gonna go back in time for courtship, personally I think they need to fully commit. This show is just The Bachelor in regency clothes. While the show says that everyone has been, "studying up" on their Regency Era manners I, as a self-proclaimed Regency Era nerd, must point out that they need to study up a little bit more. Because there is still very forward conversation, intimate moments, and unchaperoned dates, they really rob the time-period-romance of the high stakes that people obsessed with the time period really love.

Nonsense Score: 4/10

The Bachelor

The Bachelor is the cornerstone upon which most modern day dating shows are based. This basis IS nonsense. It turns love into a competition. What are the ODDS that the man who is the bachelor is the PERFECT fit for all of the women in the house if they prove themselves worthy? The entire show suggests that you can force yourself to be perfect for anyone, and isn't forcing that literally the opposite of love?

FURTHERMORE, what is with these contests?!? Is the bachelor really going to fall in love with you because you're better at beach tug-a-war???!? NO! All of this also applies to The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise. I can hear some of you already saying that Bachelor in Paradise is different. It's not. Just the sex. End of list.

Nonsense Score: 5/10

Love at First Kiss

Love at First Kiss was a TLC series that was canceled very quickly, but it was home to some of the most awkward moments television has ever witnessed. That's why I simply HAD to put this show on the list. Imagine walking up to a stranger, immediately kissing them, and going from there. It was awkward back in 2016 but now, in a coming-out-of-pandemic world, it's a downright health risk!!

This show, however, has a similar scientific element to Love is Blind. It tests whether or not breaking the physical boundary instantly leads to love in a more expedited sense. It also involves breaking past any awkward beginning moments of a relationship and moving directly into deeper waters which can be a bonus when making a connection. Still super strange though.

Nonsense Score: 6/10

Dating Naked

Dating Naked is very similar to Love at First Kiss in a variety of ways. It was also canceled very quickly, but how could it NOT make this list??? The show is EXACTLY what it sounds like. It's basically The Bachelor except everyone is naked. Can you imagine meeting someone and being fully and immediately naked? I cannot think of a situation in which that is comfortable.

I guess the discomfort is the point because if you manage to get past that, then you will be incredibly comfortable with the other person. There's none of the small-talk. It's just like "HERE'S MY D**K, SO WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?" It's sort of like Love is Blind in reverse: instead of keeping people from seeing each other, it shows the other person everything, causing a similar sense of desensitization. In a very weird way...I see how it could work.

Nonsense Score: 7/10

FBoy Island

"I just think I can fix him!" FBoy Island takes that problematic sentiment and makes it a reality. A woman dates multiple guys and, at the end of it, has to choose one of them to be with. If she chooses the good guy, the two split the prize money. If she chooses the fboy, he takes all the prize money. HOWEVER, the fboy can CHANGE and decide to STAY WITH HER. Wild.

What I will say about this show is that I have a better time with it because it doesn't end in marriage. It's just people dating. So is it ridiculous? Yes. But hey, it's fun! (And DOESN'T some part of you want to know if you can fix him?)

Nonsense Score: 8/10

Love Island

Love Island, while I don't think it is the MOST nonsensical of the bunch, is definitely a dating show that leaves you scratching your head asking, "Wait...what?" This one is heavy handed on both the competition and the quick rise to romance. Once singles get to the island, people must couple up right away, compete in challenges together, and start sharing a bed. Yeah, big island, but no personal space.

And THEN, if they want to switch couples midway through, they CAN! For a show where most of the contestants in the previews talk about their quest to find love, this is arguably the least romance-based show that there is! It's really all competition. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE, people vote on their favorite couple to see who wins (which is enough motive to stay with someone even if you don't actually like them) AND whoever wins gets the prize money.

BUT THERE IS MORE! Only one member of the couple actually gets, and IF THAT PERSON SO CHOOSES, they will split the prize money, but they don't have to. Here's the thing: as a dating show, this is one of the most ridiculous there is. As a gameshow...honestly, it's pretty well thought out.

Nonsense Score: 9/10

Sexy Beast

If Love is Blind were specifically for furries who don't understand the assignment, it would be Sexy Beast. If you ever wanted to see two mascots on a series of dates, this is the show for you, I guess? It follows the same central conceit of Love is Blind EXCEPT NOT AT ALL. No one ever sees anyone else's face while they date BECAUSE everyone is disguised as a creature.

Instead of science, they turn it into a competition where the bachelorette in disguise knocks people out every round. ON TOP OF THAT, it seems that the contestants consist solely of people who spend all of their time in disguise talking about how attractive they are out of the costume which is THE OPPOSITE OF THE POINT. This show is chaos.

Nonsense Score 11/10.

Temptation Island

I have one question: why would ANYONE go to Temptation Island? You could go anywhere. Go on a road trip. Go to Europe. Do NOT go to Temptation Island. If you are in a relationship and one partner is like, "I don't know if I can trust them" the WORST place to go is a place DESIGNED to give you deeper trust issues.

Don't get me wrong, I hear the logic. Test your trust at the highest level and then, if you make it through, you're done. That's not how it works. It will just AMPLIFY the trust issues because being there, at its core, means you do not trust the person you are with.

ALSO, for the singles on the island, if you SUCCEED in taking the partner AWAY from their person, how can YOU ever trust them in a relationship???? YOU CAN'T. I'm just saying, you KNOW this show has to be absolutely ridiculous if it's lower on the list than Sexy Beast. (I'm still gonna watch it though!)

Nonsense Score: 1000000/10

So Yeah...

If you are confident that the way you are going to meet the love of your life is on a dating show, this is probably the order I think you should tackle those in. On the flip note, if you are looking to WATCH a dating show for the dramatic moments and ceaseless intrigue, I think I'd start on the bottom of the list! We all need some nonsense!

Tags
Love is Blind, The bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, Love island